


Hot Diggity Shit

by creatopotato



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Multi, Unless you count Taako's magical baking as a power
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-29
Updated: 2017-11-29
Packaged: 2019-02-08 10:30:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,058
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12862647
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/creatopotato/pseuds/creatopotato
Summary: Lucretia opens a cafe.





	Hot Diggity Shit

When customers ask Lucretia how she came up with the name for her cafe, she tends to fall quiet. The hum of her coffee machine, the whistle of milk, the clang of the filters, its all usually enough to drown out any unwanted conversation. And even then, when she doesn’t have machinery to hide behind, most of the regulars know her to be shy, they know better than to press her for answers. 

The truth is, she doesn’t have a good, exciting answer. Lucretia is the creative sort, she’s sure if she really wanted to, she could make up something plausible. She could say it came to her one night in a dream of rebuilding her life, or that it was a sentiment that had great meaning in her family, but neither of those are how it really happened. The truth is that she made a list, a long list, of thematic terms that she liked, that had a good balance to them, that sat well on the tongue. And then she eliminated them, one by one, forcing herself to make a final choices. She remembers the night well, putting down the pen and replacing it with a steaming mug of black coffee, sitting back in her chair and looking at the only two words scrawled on the lined yellow paper that hadn’t been crossed out. 

_Bulwark Bistro._

If that decision hard to come to terms with, it was nothing compared to seeing the letters, sculpted out of dark blue metal, being secured along the top of the storefront. She’d held up one hand to block out the sun, squinting at the outline of the words against the fading afternoon sky. No turning back, then. 

“Well, that looks fantastic!” 

He’d moved so he was standing beside her, wiping his hands against his dark blue pants. She didn’t respond. 

To be fair, most of the renovations, the painting, ripping up the horrid old carpet, she’d been able to manage that alone. But she’d needed to wrangle the assistance of two of the friendly police officers from the precinct office next door to get those letters up there, and so she invited them in for a free drink afterwards as thanks, given they’d refused any kind of pay for the manual labour. 

“We’re always happy to help out.” 

His name was Bane, and he was tall and smiled a lot, so she’d just smiled back and passes him a caramel latte. She didn’t forget about a dirty chai for his Lieutenant, either. She didn’t smile much, but seemed to work hard.

But that’s not the beginning of this story. It’s not even the middle. 

Maybe the easiest place to start would be with Taako and Magnus. And Merle.

* * *

 

Most people don’t know the first thing about running a cafe. Lucretia decides that, and although she might not commonly be like most people, in that respect, she most certainly is. The first thing she coordinates is a menu, because there’s such a variety in coffee options these days, not the least to say teas (black, white, herbal, and everything in between), and then there are the non-caffeinated beverages, which are few in number at the moment, but she’s hoping to expand. 

She’s not even thought about food, not properly. There’s two jars of cookies on the front counter, and she can make up a basic array of sandwiches if needed. There’ll need to be some kind of system for keeping fresh ingredients on hand, keeping the jars full, with fresh cookies too, but that’s something she can work out later. 

For the most part, the first two days run smoothly. A few people wander in, buy a drink, sit for a while. There’s a cluster of school children on Tuesday who almost drink her out of hot chocolate powder in one sitting, but their laughter fills the empty space, making her realise she hadn’t even noticed the quietness of before. 

On Wednesday, she brings in a CD player and her jazz collection, with the volume down low enough so people can still talk. That seems to help, improves the mood. And if she catches herself humming along to Nina Simone during the quite lapses of the day, she’s not sad to have a spot of company. 

Lucretia loves to sleep, enjoys a lazy morning, but now she’s a business owner, so that is the first thing to go. She opens early, to catch the pre-work crowd, and the post-joggers. Business is not consistent, but the mornings are always the busiest time, at least five or six orders in an hour. It’s not much, but it’s something. She closes up at five, even when there’s been no one to step through the door since lunchtime. Consistency is important, she’d read that somewhere. 

At first it was just Lucretia and her cafe, but that didn't last long. 

It’s Thursday, sometime in the late morning, when a stout dwarf makes his way into the cafe, swings himself up onto a stool and she makes him a mug of dark mocha. When he finishes his first, deep sip, there’s a rim of froth and powder lining the beard around his mouth. Lucretia presses her lips together and doesn’t laugh at him.

“You looking for someone to help out in the shop?” 

He’s not even halfway through the drink, but he’s already pulling out a few coins, sliding them across the bench towards her. She gathers them up, counting quickly before sliding them into the till, and then shakes her head.

“No, sorry, not at the moment.” 

“Ah, that’s a shame.”

He swallows down the rest of his mug, but doesn’t leave immediately. When Lucretia gets back from clearing a table, he’s reading from a thick book, one finger twirling absent-mindedly in his beard. He doesn’t ask for another drink and she doesn’t ask him to leave. 

But then he’s there again the next day. She makes him a dark mocha, he sits down by the window this time, reads for a while, and then leaves with a wave. 

“See you tomorrow!” 

The book has a heavy, fabric cover. It looks old. She’s tempted to ask him more about it, but when she opens her mouth on Saturday morning, when he comes back, again, something else entirely comes tumbling out. 

“Would you be happy to help out, um, cleaning the kitchen and cutting vegetables.” She pauses, blinks, and moves her gaze up to his eyes. “For the sandwiches?”

He closes his book, giving her a chance to peek at the title, and rubs his eyes, thinking. 

“Yeah, sure. What time should I come in?” 

“Be here at six tomorrow.” 

She hurries off after that, not entirely sure what had just happened, but curious as to why this older dwarf would be perusing an ‘Extreme Teen Bible’.

But he’s there on time Sunday morning, just as she’d asked. So she shows him to the sink, tells him where the soap is kept, pays him a reasonable wage for the hours his working. He keeps a steady supply of clean mugs, helps clear the table, and even starts making a list of shopping for the next week. It’s easier having a spare pair of hands, means she can always stay behind the counter, ready to meet a new customer, take an order.

And so Merle stays. 

At first it was just Lucretia, but then it is her, and Merle. It doesn’t take long for the others to follow. 

They tumble in through the door one morning as if they have always done so; the taller one, Magnus, introduces himself halfway through hanging up his coat on the rack by the door, the other one, the elf she’ll learn is called Taako, gliding into a chair as if he owned the place. She brings them a green tea and a double expresso, and is just returning to the counter when Merle sticks his head out from the kitchen, waves cheerily and heads over to their table. 

“Hey guys! You finally made it!” 

Magnus rolls his eyes. 

“You told us about this place, like, yesterday m’dude. Chill.”

Merle shrugs, but picks out two cookies from the jar under Lucretia’s questioning glance, throws her an unsubtle wink and brings them over to his friends. 

“How’s Lup going?” 

The elf clears his throat, flipping a long plait over one shoulder, and waves one hand absently. 

“Brilliant, obviously.” He takes a bite into a cookie, makes as if to speak again, but then something changes in his expression, and he slowly rises, his skirts swirling around him as he turns and walks over to Lucretia. 

“Tell me you didn’t buy these from Garfield.” 

She furrows her brow. Garfield's Goods is a well-established catering company and offers good deals on bulk orders.

“Is there something wrong with that?” 

He doesn’t reply, just shudders, then leans forward and pats her twice on the shoulder, as if to be reassuring, mutters, “-you poor, naive creature-,” and then is gone, Magnus trailing after him, almost forgetting his coat, yelling out at Merle to tip well on their behalf. He does.

What she doesn’t expect is for Taako to return the next morning, before she’s even arrived. He’s standing at the front door, two large bags of flour at his feet, a hefty notebook filled with recipes under one arm, a basket with small plastic containers hanging off the other arm, and a worn purple apron tied around his waist. 

“No offence to the ones y’all are wearing,” He explains, as he hands her one of the bags of flour, pushing open the door a moment after she’s unlocked it, his long hair twisted up into a complex knot at the back of his head, “They’re just ugly as fuck.”

He’s clearly at home in a kitchen, so at home he doesn’t even feel the need to ask permission, apparently, and Merle is already pointing out the oven, the baking trays she doesn’t remember buying, so she leaves them to it, pouring herself an extra large mug of black coffee, shaking her head. Consistency, the guide to starting a small business had recommended, and being cautious with who you trust. It’s her business, after all. 

The thing is, his cakes are good. Really good. 

Business doubles overnight. And his cookies are even better than the cakes, thin and crisp, with a lavish amount of sugar and just the right hint of cinnamon. His beautiful face cracks into the first honest expression she’s seen, as she bites into one of them while they’re too warm and it crumbles all over his shirt, and he’s chuckling, brushing the back of his flour-covered hands off against the back of his shirt. 

But he eats one too, lets it crumble all over his crochet and makes some truly ridiculous, orgasmic sounds, that have Merle running out back to make sure everything’s okay. 

And so Taako stays. 

And Magnus?

She’s not entirely sure at what point he joined the team. But he sidles behind the counter and pulls on an apron, declares that he looks adorable in it, and begins taking orders and charming customers. He also manages to stack up the chairs in about a quarter of the time it used to take her and brings a whole crowd of new post-gym coffee orders. 

He’s also very good at fixing things, which is perfect given the number of items in her store that Lucretia bought second hand. He’ll wait until after hours, find himself a chair and a surface to work on, and fiddle until the problem is solved. The fridge no longer freezes all the cheese slices. The bathroom door finally locks. 

Magnus is endlessly joking and inappropriate, but Lucretia likes him, despite herself. There’s something inherently kind about the way he approaches everything, beneath the sarcasm and bicep-flexing. He doesn’t pause before talking, but there’s never a slip that he seems to regret. It’s earnest, all of it, the good and the bad. 

He always wears a wedding ring but has doesn’t mention a partner. She doesn't ask, either. 

They work together, her three new boys, efficiently and ridiculously, like they’ve always done so, and maybe they have. 

She likes him, she likes them all. They surprise her, in that way. But in a good way. 

And so, they stay. 

**Author's Note:**

> Just because I am a sucker for coffeeshop AUs and Lucretia needs all the love.   
> Should feature all your faves in due time, but let me know if there's anyone in particular that you'd wanna see feature!   
> Hope y'all like this, it's fun to write :)


End file.
